Opinion: Finding Your People
Starting college means meeting new people and making new friendships. However, some people have a harder time making friends than others.
Picture this, you're walking around campus and you're a new student. You see a lot of people already hanging out in groups, duos, or trios and you want that. You want to sit with someone at lunch, go to events with, walk to a convenience store, sit in class and pass notes or try not to laugh during lectures.
For some it's easy, they're a social butterfly as the saying goes, but for others they may struggle to make friends, or even talk to anyone. For students who are trying to find their own little circle, seeing others already have theirs can be challenging. Although college offers events on campus and social gatherings, friendships don't just happen automatically.
Dean student Annand Ramsaran said, “My experience with making friends at Dean College has been somewhat of a challenge for me so far. I like to think that I have made two friends as they are easy to talk to and work within my classes that I have with them. It is very helpful to know them, and I would like to become better friends with them like hanging out or getting together for lunch or dinner whatever works for them."
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For some people, they can instantly click with others, people like to call them extroverts. These kinds of people can start a conversation with anyone. Extroverted students may even find it easy to go to a campus event and strike a conversation with hundreds of other students and leave with fifteen new numbers.
However, being such an outgoing person does not equal an automatic friendship. While starting a conversation with someone can be a great starting point, developing a meaningful and strong friendship takes time, whether it be shared experiences, similar interests, or effort from both people to make it work. Even if that person is a social butterfly, meeting all these people does not mean they are already friends.
They may be comfortable talking to other people, but they may struggle to find people who share their own interests or what they value from a friendship. Making connections is only the beginning, finding people you actively want to become close with can be a challenge for anyone.
Dean student Verbatim Rodriguez noted, “I’ve always been an extrovert, so making friends in the first semester wasn’t too difficult. I would just compliment people I thought were cool and then we’d strike up a conversation, and the rest is history. I also just make an effort to be very forward because people tend to be more open to communicating when you start talking first!"
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Some students have a harder time making friends. They are referred to as introverts, people who are shy and have a harder time talking to others. While some students feel comfortable talking to anyone, including strangers, others may be worried about being judged or rejected or just not knowing what to say. Even when they want to make friends or strike up a conversation, the fear of an awkward interaction instantly makes them stop. Introverted students also prefer more calmer social settings and deeper conversations, rather than being forced to go to a large social gathering or meeting too many people.
This could make it hard for them, whether it be campus events, the dining hall, or group activities, the thought makes it all less comfortable. As for their friends who are comfortable with their surroundings and lots of people being near, the shy person can feel left out when their friends are able to socialize without any problems.
Over time, these missed out events or hangouts can build up. Making it harder for the person to put themselves out more as they don't want to leave the feeling of their safe space. The feeling of being alone can become normal and those chances to make connections will have felt wasted when someone wanted to try and be friends with them all along. However, just because someone has a harder time speaking to others or going to events doesn't mean that they don't want a friend. It could simply mean they need to find their own way of making friends, whether it be through the environment or taking time to feel comfortable around others.
Another Dean student, Jake Kasarjian said, “I feel it’s easy to make friends in college, sometimes it seems tough but I’ve found that if you just take a leap and push yourself to talk to people you find that you have a lot in common with those people. The hardest part is getting out of your own head but once you’ve done that making friends only gets easier.”
Ultimately, finding your people in college is not always easy. Some students may make friends quickly, while others need more time to feel comfortable and build meaningful connections. Regardless of how long it takes, finding people who make you feel accepted and understood can make the college experience more rewarding. Finding your people may take time, but everyone deserves the opportunity to feel welcomed, supported and included in their college community.
